Hey,
You were saying on the phone the other day that you really
appreciate words from people, because you sometimes feel like your confidence
is all bluster; that inside, you’re less self-assured than you let on. So words
of assurance from people who know you and love you helps.
(I don’t think you’re alone in that, by the way.)
So I could take a
lot of time right now to describe how great you are, and how flat-out amazed by you I am. And maybe I’ll do that later, or
by text or Snapchat or something. But I want to say something first: something
you can consider a long-distance hug.
This whole situation that you’re going through… it really,
really sucks. You’re not going to find an easy answer, either, because this is
your “one wild and precious life”, and nobody else, for all their experience,
has been in your exact same situation. They can and probably have been in shoes
similar to yours… but not exactly the same. And so nobody, for all that they’ve
lived and loved and cried and laughed, can predict what will happen if you make
one decision over another. Some people take wild chances and risk the world as
they know it, and other people live out dares to protect their corner of the
world, and who’s to say which was the right decision and which was the wrong
one… if there even was such a thing? And I’m not talking about absolutes and
morals and truth with a capital T
here: I’m talking about those everyday decisions you have to make.
The subtle ones.
The ones that aren’t black and white.
The ones that stack up eventually into a life.
That’s so
much pressure!
But then again, it’s not. Not for you and I, right? Even
though we don’t know what we’re doing, we’re not the ones with our hands
white-knuckling the steering wheel. We’re really just along for the ride. And
God (‘cause you know he’s the driver in this super-cheesy analogy, right?) he’s
the most amazing tour-of-life guide you could ask for, because he has a
penchant for taking all the back roads, the ones we never even heard of, that
we didn’t think existed. And he’s beyond excited to point out all the sights we
would probably miss otherwise. I can just picture him, leaning across the
passenger seat to point out the window—
Hey kid, look!
Look at this bridge, at that rushing water beneath us, at the sturdiness of the
supports planted against that turbulence.
Look
upriver a ways—see that waterfall kicking its heels up, celebrating even as it
tumbles past rocks?
Look back
at where we’ve come from. That beautiful ribbon-road winding its way down the
craggy, grinning mountains? That was where you were afraid of falling,
remember?
It’s all
mine—all my gift to you. Open your hands and take it.
We’re not a people who hunker down and shove through life
just to make it through. And we’re not a people who close eyes and cover ears
and say “It’s all good!” as loud as we can to drown out reality. We’re a people
of hope. We’re a people who try to see the world as God sees it, not limited by
our understanding of the shape of things, and respond in kind, whether that
means reacting with tears or with laughter.
Remember when the prophet Samuel went to anoint the next king
of Israel? He was looking at all of David’s brothers, and pretty much thought
each of them was “the one” God had in mind.
“Aha! You
mean this guy, right God? I could so totally tell!”
“Ummm, you
could, huh? ‘Cause that’s not the guy… you’re not exactly looking at this the
right way.”
“Oh. Okay. Hmmm…
got it! THIS guy!”
(Facepalm)“Try again,
Samuel….”
And so on, until Samuel thought he’d exhausted all his
options. And then God’s like, taa-daa!
here’s the next king of Israel! And it’s David… and look at all he goes on
to do.
I think the close-up version of this story is God trying to
get the right guy as king of Israel, because Saul wasn’t super great. But if
you zoom out, you see a bigger picture: David is the great-something-grandpa of
Jesus. This one little moment of Samuel going down the line of Jesse’s sons is
part of God’s great love story to the world.
But nobody saw it like that. Which is why God had to step in
and remind them that we’re working in an infinity here, not in the world as we
know it, so hey—let me drive this road, okay, and you sit back and spread your
arms wide and take it all in and do whatever you need to do. Cry. Yell. Laugh.
Whisper. Whatever.
This moment
you’re in, beloved child of mine? The one that’s causing you all this
heart-hurt? Open your hands. Trust me.
This is
part of my love story for the world. You are part of my story.
So hang on to that, okay? I know you know that you’ll be
okay, in the long run: you just wish the long run would hurry up and get here.
But wait for the Lord; be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord. Part of
his timeline of grace is learning how to hope.
Love ya lots, more, and most.
-Kate
