as much as i dislike the endlessness of doing laundry in this season of parenting littles, days like today are a grace. breezy and blue-skied, the liturgy of hanging clean, damp, fresh-smelling clothing on the line redeems the whole mundane cycle for me. the laughter of my older kids carries over from some other part of the yard, and as the sheets blow around, my baby son and i carry on a game of peekaboo, his darling little grins now hidden, now revealed to me.
and maybe that's what gets me, and gives my pleasantly drifting thoughts a startling focus. one son, tiny and chubby and wiggling on a quilt on the grass. the other running around, his once-dimpled legs somehow grown long and lean... who i will bring to school tomorrow.
it’s “just” kindergarten.
i know that.
but it’s also the beginning of a new phase of parenting (and life) that snuck up on me way too quickly, despite my best efforts to count gifts and savor the moment and weigh the present down with my full attention here, here, and here.
not that i was “ready” to be a mother when this boy entered the world five years ago… but at least then, when i felt the first waves of contractions roll through my body, i thought i was.
now my heart is doing its own kind of contracting, not at the thought of kindergarten, but of all the growing pains to come, of which this is just the first tiny step. i know my thoughts are snowballing, and i can laugh at myself for thinking of milestones so far ahead when my boy is still so small.
it IS funny.
but parenting is the weirdest thing i’ve ever experienced, and you can be bursting with excitement for your child’s growth and also lamenting the fact that they aren’t so small anymore… at the same time, all the time.
so here’s to the mamas (and daddies) with “babies” starting new adventures of all kinds.
and here’s to this little boy, with a heart huge like his mama’s and a mind curious as his daddy's, as he starts this adventure of his.
i love you and Jesus loves you, Caleb Jayber.
